Feelings/Rant

I think my life would have been so much easier/different if I wasn’t depressed. But then, I also realize that if I wasn’t, I might not be the person I am, today. I might not have understood the things I do, from the point of view I have, today. Things would be so different.

I appreciate when people tell me that they’re there for me; it means a lot. But I always get scared that people will be overwhelmed with what I admit. Annoyed. Think I’m overreacting. Judgmental.

Maybe I am overreacting.

The one person I usually run to is my boyfriend. 

Do you think it’s fun for me to walk around with cuts on my arm?

To have people stare and brush it off?

It’s not.

I have to bear it everyday of my life.

And I seem to be unable to stop.

I’m upset with myself and I’m agitated and I hate myself.

Honestly… I’m pissed off. I’m insecure enough as it is. But I won’t let this get to me. I DON’T NEED somebody to choose how I feel. You cannot control my emotions, I refuse to give you that power. So you can talk all your crap, if that makes you feel like you’ve let all your “anger” that you have for me out. But atleast be rational enough to realize that it’s not proper to go and post these kind of things publicly, because quite honestly… It hurts. I forget these words, and then when I remember them, I feel down again. And the fact that this person/these people don’t have the guts to say it to my face makes them that much more pathetic. Find something better to do with your life. I go through enough in mine that I deal with on a regular basis. 

I’m so thankful to have a boyfriend and a sister who try to help me through these things.

Whoever is sending those messages is pathetic. And I refuse to let you get to me, I have bigger issues to deal with, and happiness to go after, rather than sit here and be upset about the crap you’re giving me.

This is the real world. Where real issues matter. Your stupid little messages, aren’t one of them.